|He Ain't Heavy, He's My Uncle|
|Series 07, Episode 07|
|Air Date||January 27, 1991|
|Written by||John Sullivan|
|Previous episode||"The Class of '62"|
|Next episode||"Three Men, a Woman, and a Baby"|
|List of episode|
Crime is affecting the tenants of Nelson Mandela House and when Uncle Albert becomes one of the victims, Del decides to take the law into his own hands...
There is an over-60's night happening at The Nag's Head, and Uncle Albert wants to dance with Marlene's mother, Dora Lane. Meanwhile, because of Raquel's pregnancy, Del Boy decides that it's time to become a two-car family. He purchases a 1977 Ford Capri Ghia from Boycie (Rodney refers to the vehicle as the "Prattmobile"). Rodney attempts to look for another full-time job, though Raquel and Del remind him that his prospects are bleak, due to him being unregistered for income tax and National Insurance for ten years. However to raise his spirits, Del reinstates Rodney back into Trotters Independent Traders.
That night, at The Nag's Head, as Albert play dominoes with his friend and rival, Knock-Knock, with the both of them battling over Dora. The Trotters notice a gang of skinheads in the background.
Two hours later, back at Nelson Mandela House, Del tells Raquel that he bought the Capri Ghia to drive her everywhere safely. Just then, Rodney rushes in and tells them that Albert's been mugged, and has had his pocket watch and all his money stolen. Later, Albert, now sporting a black eye, is laid out on the sofa. Del wants to find the muggers and kill them, but Raquel tells him to leave it to the police. Then, Cassandra enters, and Albert tells her the story. In the kitchen, Cassandra and Rodney talk about his future with Trotters Independent Traders, and Cassandra leaves after believing that Rodney is becoming more like Del.
One week later, Albert hasn't left the flat since the mugging, and he's looking through his old treasure chest of memories. Albert then shows Del and Raquel a photograph of where he and Grandad were born: Tobacco Road, which is by now demolished. Rodney enters the flat, and he and Del talk about the doctor wanting Albert to get back to a normal life. Albert enters, and Del yells at him to get over his fear of going outside. The next morning, the Trotters find a note left by Albert, and it reads: "I won't get under your feet any more. Your loving uncle, Albert." This means that Albert has run away from home. Raquel suggests that the Trotter Brothers go out and look for Albert. Rodney takes the Trotter Van, while Del takes the Capri Ghia.
The Trotter Brothers spend all day driving around London looking for Albert, including searching the Seaman's Mission and the HMS Belfast. Eventually, they find their uncle at a yuppy housing development that used to be Tobacco Road. Del and Rodney apologise to Albert for yelling at him the previous night. Albert tells them how he first came to Tobacco Road at the age of 15 and got a job on a trampsteamer. Albert and Rodney get back in the van and go home, leaving Del alone to stare dreamily across the waters.
Two hours later, back at the flat, Albert has regained his self-confidence. Just then, the doorbell rings, Albert answers it, finds that it's Knock-Knock, and tries to escape to his bedroom. But Del, after quickly talking to Knock-Knock, stops Albert, and gives him back his pocket watch, which is what Knock-Knock wanted to return. Del has found out the truth: Albert wasn't mugged, he was just knocked out by Knock-Knock in a fight over Marlene's mother in the park a week earlier, which resulted in Knock-Knock hitting Albert in the eye. As for the missing money, Albert lost it all to Knock-Knock in their game of dominoes. And that was when Albert made up that whole story about getting mugged.
A few seconds later, Rodney races into the flat and tells everyone that the skinheads seen at The Nag's Head were actually undercover police officers, and a biker gang was arrested for assaulting them, all because of Albert's little white lie. Del's heart sinks and he admits that he asked them to do it as a favour, since he knows their leader, Ollie. As the Trotter Family discuss the possible repercussions by fellow gangs, Raquel heads off to bed disgusted, and Albert confidently boasts about how he will beat them all. In a rage, Del attempts to hit Albert, but Rodney restrains him.
- Del Boy
- Uncle Albert
- Dora Lane
- The Capri Ghia's registration number is UYD 177R, yet in "If They Could See Us Now", the registration number is CCR 412W.
- The title of the episode is derived from the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother".